It’s on you.

First and foremost, I want my team mates and my boss to know that I have finished all my tasks for last sprint, and that I am just waiting for the next release that’s why Im having all these resources to kill time with words.

What about Monday? I never liked Mondays and I’m pretty confident that 70% of the people who’d get to read this (which would probably be… 3 at most? haha) would agree with me on this one. I was having a bad day right at the moment I opened my eyes. It was raining hard, and my bed… did what it does best. First thing I did was… to… uhh… check the blocked messages in my phone. :> HAHAHA! Ikr? Im fooling myself. Kids, dont use Mcleaner as text/call blocker when you have no discipline. I know I wanted something from him. An apology, an explanation? Whatever, same banana. Anyway, there was nothing there. Ofcourse I got disappointed. But also, I think that it’s better than being torn between replying or ignoring some really sweet/fight-triggering message.

While I was reading Voj’s blogs and talking to her at the same time (haha), I figured how dependent I am on people. How important it is for me to know that someone cares if I’m okay or not. I am the type who can’t keep all the misery to myself. I would always have to share the stories with other people, people whom I can trust. Unfortunately though, I realized that my trust list is becomming shorter and shorter each time. I can’t blame them. Listening to same old stories over and over again on how I get my heart broken and stitch it back together… that’s what you get when you ask me how Im doing! :)) So better yet, dont start with me because then I would trust you, and I would start to share, and we will go through the motions. And in the long run you’ll get tired of me. Which brings me to this: Why am I not getting tired of myself? of this? of going through the same thing over and over. Why dont I just move the fuck on so I would have other stories to tell? Why am I settling down to this?

I don’t know. I really don’t. Because if I do, I wouldnt be blabbing about this right now. That’s the problem. Im stuck here, and I dont wanna be saved. I want to get out of here on my own. I don’t wanna use other people anymore. I have to be strong. People cant always cater to my problems because for the surest, everyone’s dealing with their own miseries as well.

So what happens now? I’ll just eat a cookie while waiting for 6pm.

xx,

Naz.